Business Driven Mind

I'd like to believe I am a very business driven person.

Along with those lines, it's hard to say proudly though I consider myself to consequently be a very horrible friend.

I'm talking about the relationships I've made through the years on twitter and mostly in the youtaite community. Through the years I've been participating in their activities, and I've made a lot of "friends" though I feel kind of reluctant to call them so: "friends".

It has nothing to do with their behaviour, god no, they are all wonderful people! Tho, the problem mostly lies with how I see the world around me. The thing is, I tend to contact them mostly when I need their assistance or when I want to collaborate with them. I rarely do small chit-chat and tend to keep everything based around a business driven conversation. Of course, when we DO talk we do tend to go all over the place with small gossips and all though I'm not the kind of friend who keeps up with everyone on a weekly basis.

I believe my point is starting to get across by now...

This aspect of myself was brought to light when i graduated from CEGEP and a friend of mine confessed to me he hoped we could eventually ascend to be of the closest friends that would constantly keep contact through our lives. It was really hard for me to tell him that I really wasn't all that strong on keeping contacts after graduation, specially when our majors were two worlds appart... it's simply because, well, there was nothing much I could contact him for. I couldn't contact him about homework, or collaborations, or even complain about this annoying teacher together... we couldn't really talk about anything since our programs were worlds appart... He was distraught and very upset at me for confessing this to him, and ever since, this aspect of myself as been on my mind, haunting my every conversations.

I feel horrible thinking that some people consider me their close friend in this community tho I can't even bring myself to ask them every now and then "How are you" without having another question business related behind it all...Not to mention I can't handle other's life problems either...

That's right, when a friend is in need, I tend to just back off. And don't think I'm doing this hypocritically ! oh no, I'm doing this since it's how i prefer being treated when I myself am going through a rough time: I want to be left alone to deal with my own problems.

Hopefully enough, I've made friends with some others that share a similar point of view as me and don't feel the need to get constant attention from their friends and so are completely fine with having a chit-chat once or twice a year, and for those friends, I tell you thank you for being there.

Personally, I wonder if I am really one of the rare specimen of people who'd rather have a friendship based on longterm trust instead of a friendship that relies and only manages to survive through constant need of validification. Of course, I'm not saying one type of friendship is better than the other, though for me, I clearly lie with one group and not the other.